Pull Over
by Mercury's Winter
Summary: The crew is feeling mighty ill after a diplomatic function. (Humor) Couple minor swears. Last bit is up, come read the end! :D
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: Pull Over   
AUTHOR: Mercury's Winter mercurys_winter@yahoo.com  
RATING: PG-13 for a couple of minor swears  
SPOILERS: "All Great Neptune's Oceans"  
DISCLAIMER: This is all in fun, no money is coming my way, Andromeda and it's characters belong to Tribune Entertainment.  
SUMMARY: This is in response to a challenge in MikeJoe's fic "Pit Stop" I commented on how when the crew got sick from eating Trance's snack and stopped on a planet to, um, expunge, I thought it was gonna come out the other end. He challenged me to write a fic where it did, so, well, here it is :D Hopefully you'll get a laugh out of it!   
  
A/N: WIP but only two parts, I couldn't wait to post until I was done :D  
  
A/N2: Set in middle of season I  
  
*******************  
  
"Well, that answers that question. Fish people *do* eat fish." Harper patted his belly and emitted a loud belch.   
  
Beka rolled her eyes and gave Harper a light shove, "Good grief, do you have any manners at all?"  
  
"Hey, in some cultures that's considered a compliment." Harper protested, "Besides, the banquet is over, we've done our time makin' nice and now we can let it all hang out." Harper made a show of loosening his tie and unbuckling his belt.  
  
"Mister Harper," Dylan began, "the dinner may be over but we have yet to leave the planet. I would appreciate it if you left your clothing on. I don't want to risk yet *another* diplomatic incident." The crew was making their way from the banquet hall on Castalia to the landing pad where the Eureka Maru was berthed. All hands were accounted for except Rev who was onboard Andromeda supervising relief efforts at a nearby drift.  
  
"I, for one, still don't understand why you had to drag all of us to this function." Tyr said and sniffed his shirt disgustedly. "Do you realize how hard it is to get fish smell out of leather?"   
  
Dylan sighed and for what felt like the millionth time explained his motives to his whining crew. "We need to maintain good relations with Castalia. Their Parliament only marginally accepted the Commonwealth charter. They invited all of us and, as a show of unity, we all had to come."  
  
"Yadda, yadda, yadda." Harper made talking gestures with his hand, "at least I got to sit next to the lovely Colonel Yao."  
  
"Yes, for all of two minutes before the mistake was corrected." Rommie said.   
  
"Maybe, but it was two minutes of pure heaven baby." Harper said dreamily.   
  
"How did the place cards get mixed up anyway?" Trance asked.  
  
"It wasn't a total loss, the food was excellent." Harper said, quickly changing the subject.   
  
Beka wrinkled her nose, "I still can't believe you ate that...what was it called again?"  
  
"Magdin, oh man, was that great! It's equivalent to an old Earth delicacy called Lutefisk." Harper rubbed his belly at the memory of the dish and let fly another belch.  
  
Trance plugged her nose. "Eww...Harper, that's disgusting."  
  
"I can't imagine it was nutritious, it looked like something I coughed up while working in the mines." Tyr sneered. He was now sniffing his hair and grimacing.  
  
"The texture is part of the appeal. At least it was better than the crap you guys choked down."   
  
"I gotta admit the Yuggden Puffer Fish was really good." Beka commented.  
  
"Good?" Harper exclaimed, "It was still blinkin' for cryin' out loud!"  
  
"It was?" Trance gasped.  
  
"No, Trance, Harper's just being facetious. Fish don't have eyelids." Rommie explained. Harper opened his mouth but before he could upset Trance further Rommie continued. "Our meal was not still alive, merely tar-tar."   
  
"You ok Trance?" Beka asked as they reached the hatch of the Maru. "You're looking a little green around the gills."  
  
"Oh, Beka, please don't say gills." Trance placed her hand over her mouth and mumbled, "Why didn't anyone tell me that fish was *raw*?"  
  
"Well, Trance, I guess we figured you already knew." Dylan said as Beka keyed the pad on the Maru's airlock. "Didn't you notice how cold and slimy and congealed it was?"  
  
Trance's eyes widened, she threw her other hand over her mouth and raced through the door as soon as she cold fit.  
  
Beka turned to Dylan, "If she doesn't make it, you're cleaning it up."   
  
Harper chuckled and clapped Dylan on the back. "Good one boss."   
  
"What? What'd I do?" Dylan stammered.  
  
"Wait for it...wait for it." Harper said as he watched realization dawn on Dylan's face. "Bingo! I love watching the light bulb go on."   
  
"I was just trying to help." Dylan muttered as he followed his shipmates through the door.  
  
**********************  
  
"Trance, are you all right?" Rommie asked as she tapped on the door to Maru's lav. She cringed at the noises that were coming from the other side.  
  
"Uh-huh." Came the reply.  
  
"Do you need any assistance?"   
  
"Huh-uh."  
  
"She'll be fine." Beka said as she and Harper walked past on their way back from the cockpit. They had left the surface and the autopilot was engaged. They had a two-hour trip to the rendezvous with Andromeda. "She's been like this before. Don't worry, it never lasts more than a couple of days."  
  
"What causes it?" Rommie asked joining the duo on their way to the galley.  
  
"Never seems to be the same thing but it always has to do with food. Like this one time, she ordered Nectrian Escargot on Albuquerque Drift. I thought she was nuts, I mean, you'd never catch me eating live snails."  
  
"Yeah, Rommie, you should have been there, it was classic! She took a big bite, felt the critters wigglin' around in her mouth and-"  
  
Rommie held up her hands, cutting him off. "I get the picture Harper."  
  
"She wouldn't come out of the fresher for 36 hours." Beka said, looking back down the hall at the closed door.  
  
"Weren't you worried about her?" Dylan asked, having heard the last bit of conversation. They entered the galley together.  
  
"Of course we were the first time it happened. Rev kept trying to get her to come out so he could run some scans but she assured us she would be fine. I tried everything short of cutting the door off. Finally there wasn't anything I could do but trust her." Beka shrugged.   
  
"When it comes to that girl, nothing surprises me anymore." Tyr said. He was leaning against his favorite wall looking bored as usual.   
  
Harper jumped up on the counter and grabbed a beer from his stash while Beka and Rommie took up seats around the table.   
  
Dylan slowly paced the length of the room. "As long as we're all here, we might as well discuss our strategy for convincing the people of Uranus Prime to join the Commonwealth."   
  
Harper snickered, "You said Uranus."   
  
Dylan stopped and rolled his eyes. "Mister Harper, you're childish behavior is one of the things I believe this crew needs to discuss. I don't think it's appropriate for you to make fun of a perfectly common name. And further more..." Dylan paused as his stomach let out an angry gurgle. He cleared his throat and continued, "And further more-" He was interrupted again by his stomach this time it sounded like bubbles going down a drain.   
  
"Dylan, are you all right?" Rommie asked, quite perplexed.  
  
"Uh, yeah. Just a little indigestion. Where was I?" Dylan placed his hand lightly on his stomach and leaned against the counter.  
  
"You were about to chew the little professor a new one." Tyr smirked.  
  
Harper stuck his tongue out at Tyr. "It's not like I'm the only one who needs to work on his etiquette Mr. Perfect. Remember the time you almost got us all killed 'cause you forgot to greet the Taurans correctly?"  
  
Tyr glowered at Harper and emitted a deep growl, which turned into an enormous, earth shattering, leather ripping expulsion of methane. No one moved. Beka and Harper looked at each other and dissolved into a fit of giggles. Tyr turned several shades of red before stomping out of the room. Harper laughed so hard that he fell off the counter which only added to Beka's mirth. Even Rommie cracked a grin which quickly turned into a chuckle. Before long she was holding her sides and leaning on Beka, tears streaming down both their faces.   
  
Dylan looked at the ceiling and held up his hands helplessly. He shook his head and left the 'children' to their potty humor.  
  
*********************  
  
To Be Continued... 


	2. CHapter 2

I've got some more, it's not the rest like I promised but I'm having trouble with the end, Tyr just doesn't want to cooperate with this story anymore (wonder why?) LOL   
  
**********************  
  
Beka watched Dylan go and turned to Rommie, barely able to talk as she gasped for breath, "That guy's wound so tight, I bet he couldn't even eek out a squeaker." Rommie pretended to be shocked at Beka's comment but couldn't contain her laughter. Harper was nothing but a quivering mass on the floor.   
  
Slowly Beka's giggles faded off as she grabbed her gut. "Ouch! Oh, man, I haven't laughed like that in a long time! Remind me to thank Tyr." She giggled again but stopped when a sharp pain laced up her side. "Ow!"   
  
Harper and Rommie slowly came to their senses. "You ok boss?" Harper asked, wiping the tears from his face.  
  
"Yeah, I'm ok. I need to make a pit stop though, I think I busted a gut laughing so hard." She got to her feet, she was a little shaky but otherwise ok. She started off toward the bathroom.  
  
"Ah, boss?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"The fresher is ocupado. Trance is still in there, remember?" Harper said, moving to steady his friend.  
  
"Oh yeah, guess I'll just have to wait a little while, huh?" Beka turned back to the table and sat down.  
  
"Are you sure you're all right Beka? You look a little pale and your heart rate is increasing." Rommie said.  
  
"I'm ok. Wow, who knew laughing could be bad for your health." Beka leaned back and winced as her own belly began to gurgle.  
  
Rommie cocked her head, "What is that noise?"   
  
"I don't hear anything." Beka said.  
  
"I do." Harper and Rommie walked to the door and peered down the hall. There they saw Dylan pounding on the door to the bathroom. Harper and Rommie exchanged glances and started down the corridor.  
  
"Come on Trance! I really need to get in there!" Dylan whined.  
  
"Dylan, you ok?" Harper asked as they approached.  
  
Dylan whirled around and nearly lost his balance. "Uh, yeah, just need to use the...ah, I'm ok." He wrapped his arms around his stomach and doubled over.  
  
"You don't look ok, come sit down." Rommie reached for her captain but he pulled away.  
  
"I had better stay here until Trance comes out." Dylan grimaced as another wave of gurgling attacked his innards.  
  
"Sorry to break it to ya, but Trance won't be out anytime soon. Why doncha come sit down, maybe we can find something to help you guys feel better." Harper grabbed one of Dylan's arms as Rommie took the other.  
  
"You guys?" Dylan asked.  
  
"Beka isn't feeling well also." Rommie said. She continually monitored her captain's vitals. He didn't appear to be in any immediate danger but she was worried all the same.  
  
In the kitchen Beka was doubled over in her chair, arms wrapped around her waist moaning. She looked up when she heard the others set Dylan in the chair opposite hers. Her face was pale and sweaty. "Hey."   
  
"Hey yourself." Dylan managed. "Don't you have a 'Men's Room' on this ship?"  
  
"Yeah, it's the first left out the airlock smartass." Beka said dryly. "Oh, man, I don't know how much longer I can hold out." She squeezed her eyes shut tight and clenched her jaw as another wave tried to overtake her.  
  
"Rommie, what's wrong with them? Did they pick up a virus on the planet?" Harper asked. He was ready to push the ol' panic button.  
  
"My scans do not detect any virus. If it were, I dare say that you would be the most likely to succumb first."   
  
"Point taken. So, if it's not a virus, what is it?"   
  
Dylan moaned and bit his lip, stifling a burp. "Rommie, could you try and find some medicine or something?"  
  
"On my way. Harper, keep an eye on them, I'll be right back."  
  
Harper paced back and forth in front of the moaning pair. He felt pretty damn helpless.   
  
"Not so funny now, is it?" Tyr said from the doorway. He was leaning on it heavily, sweat pouring down his face.  
  
"Not you too." Harper said, exasperated.  
  
"I assume from the condition of these two that the restroom is not free?" Tyr said as he slowly made his way to a chair.   
  
"Nope, Trance is still in there. No point in even trying, I think she welds the door shut from the inside or something." Harper peered into Tyr's sweaty face. "How are you holdin' up?"  
  
"How do I look?"  
  
"Like shit."  
  
"That's exactly how I feel. What happened, have we been poisoned?"   
  
Harper's eyes widened, "Crap, I didn't even think of that!" He jumped up and ran to the Maru's makeshift medical bay. "Rommie!" No answer. "Rommie?" Harper heard a soft moan. "Double crap!" Rommie lay on the floor, hands on her stomach. Harper knelt beside her. "Rom-doll? What's wrong?"  
  
Rommie opened her mouth to answer Harper but what came out was a rank burp. "Eww Rommie! Fish breath!" Harper held his nose then a thought occurred to him. "Fish...Rommie, did you eat that Puffer fish?" She nodded her head. "Why? You don't need to eat."  
  
"I didn't want to insult our hosts." She said sheepishly.  
  
"Great, just great." He ran his scanner over her body. "Yup, just as I thought, the fish was bad. Now it's fermenting in your system causing your artificial stomach to expand. We gotta get that stuff outa you darlin'." Harper helped her up and half-carried her to the galley. He sat her down next to Beka. He stood up and waved a hand in front of his face. "Good grief, someone light a match." The four sick friends groaned as one.   
  
He checked on them all before moving to the center of the room and saying, "Well guys, I got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?" Beka grabbed a nearby plastic cup and flung it at him. "Ah, ok, good news first. I figured out what's wrong with you guys, you haven't been poisoned. Well, you have, kinda...but not in the sense that Tyr was thinking-"  
  
"GET ON WITH IT BOY!" Tyr bellowed.  
  
"Uh, yeah, it was the Puffer fish you ate at the reception. It was ah, bad and now you all have a nasty case of Montezuma's revenge."  
  
"What's the bad news?" Rommie groaned.  
  
"Well, bad news is that we're halfway to Andromeda which means it doesn't matter if we turn back to Castalia or not, it'll be an hour before we'd get to either place." Harper fiddled with the strap of his tool belt. "andwedon'thaveanymedicine." he mumbled.  
  
"What?" Dylan said.  
  
"I just remembered that I used the last of the ah, 'tummy' medicine on my trip back from Infinity, picked up a bit of a bug myself and uh, well...I forgot to re-stock when I got back." Harper cringed, expecting more objects to come hurling at him. Instead, his shipmates just continued moaning and writhing.  
  
"Mister Harper, go to the cockpit and get as much speed out of this ship as possible. I can't tell you how important it is that we reach Andromeda SOON." Dylan said through clenched teeth.  
  
"Uh, right boss. I've got a few tricks that might get us there faster. Are you guys gonna be ok back here?"  
  
"We'll try and hold on, now GO!" Beka growled.  
  
*******************  
  
Harper squeezed every ounce of speed he could out of the Maru, which wasn't much. At best they probably picked up ten minutes. He sighed thinking about how miserable his friends were. However he couldn't help but feel a little happy that for once he was the one that was well. "All hail Lutefisk." He muttered.  
  
He jumped when the com beside him beeped. He pressed a button calling up the image of a very pasty Beka. "Harper." She grimaced and swallowed hard, "Pull over."  
  
"What?"   
  
"Pull over NOW!" She rasped.  
  
"Pull over WHERE?" Harper asked incredulously. "Beka, we're not exactly on the 405, I can't just stop and let you out."  
  
"4-oh-what? Never mind, just find a place to land this crate or so help me..."   
  
"Ah, I get the idea boss." Harper cut the com and searched for the closest hospitable planet. Lucky for his suffering shipmates Jangar III was only five light minutes away. He cranked the controls and pointed the Maru at the planet.  
  
According to the Maru's database, Jangar III was inhabited by primitive humanoids. Harper hoped none of them came upon the Maru while her crew was, ah, indisposed. He couldn't help but snicker at the image that thought conjured up.  
  
********************  
  
TBC 


	3. Chapter 3

Here's the last of it :D My sister (MercurysSister of the notoriously funny Booster Shot) insisted that I add one sound effect. If you have a weak constitution or have eaten in the last 24 hours, I suggest you NOT click on the link ;) LOL I Can't believe she found this particular file, it's exactly what I had in mind..All hail the Queen of the Sound Bite :D  
  
********************  
  
No sooner was the Maru on the ground than Harper heard the airlock being opened. He got himself out of the pilot's seat and to the door just in time to see his four friends hobbling off in four different directions. He'd managed to find a clearing large enough for the Maru with convenient cover not far away.  
  
Harper watched as Dylan stopped about five meters from the Maru. "Notgonna...make it." Dylan grunted. He turned sharply, hand on his bum, knees together, and lurched for the lee of the Maru.  
  
http://www.laughinglynx.com/sounds/mp3/diarrhea.mp3  
  
Seconds later Harper jumped when he heard a shrill, gargling, howl, it sounded like a turkey being strangled. He ran in the direction Dylan had staggered, worried that a wild animal had gotten him. He stopped short when the noise came again, punctuated by curses in several languages and the sound of bowels being rapidly emptied.  
  
Harper plugged his nose and held his breath while quickly returning to the Maru's airlock. He wasn't sure what to do next. He wanted to help but he was pretty sure there wasn't much he could do. He shuddered *don't go there, man* he thought. He'd worn a pretty good path in the tall grass when Rommie finally came back into sight. She was moving slowly, her gears grinding. Harper ran to meet her. "Hey doll, you feelin' better?"  
  
"Yes and no. I've depleted my fluid supply; I guess you could say I'm dehydrated." She gave Harper a weak smile as he put her arm over his shoulder and helped her back to the ship. He laid her on a bunk in the crew quarters and grabbed her a can of lubricant.  
  
"Do you think you can handle this? I've gotta go check on the others." At Rommie's nod, Harper raced back outside. He didn't have to wait long before Beka came limping back toward the ship. "Better?"  
  
"Ugh, no." Beka said disgustedly, "I sure hope there's no poison oak around here."  
  
Harper smiled sympathetically, "Come on boss, let's get you a bunk and something to drink. As soon as the other two come back, we can be on our way." Beka sighed and leaned her head on Harper's shoulder.  
  
Harper got Beka settled just as Dylan drug himself into the crew quarters. "Mister Harper..." He said as he collapsed on the nearest bunk, asleep before he hit the mattress.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, best speed to the Andromeda." Harper sighed and lifted Dylan's legs onto the bed making him as comfortable as possible. Harper was beginning to tire of the nursemaid routine. It wasn't more fun to be the patient but it sure as hell was a lot less work.  
  
Harper returned to the airlock expecting to see Tyr sauntering back. No Tyr. Harper waited and waited, anxious to get going, he risked the larger man's ire and yelled for him to hurry up. No answer. "Come on Tyr, we gotta get goin'!" Harper shouted again. The sun was going down and the bugs were coming out. Harper swatted at several until a mournful howl chilled him to the bone. "Tyr?" Harper whispered, "Was that you?" The howl was replaced by what sounded like barking. "Crap." Harper muttered he was ready to leave, and now. He reluctantly set off in the direction Tyr had gone, his blaster charged and at the ready.  
  
"Tyr." Harper rasped, "Where are you? We gotta get outa here."  
  
"I'm not going." Tyr's soft baritone floated across the gathering mist.  
  
"What?" Harper hissed, finally able to make out the silhouette of the large man near an equally large tree.  
  
"I said I'm not going, not yet anyway."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"You go back to the ship, I will return after night falls." Tyr was still sitting by the tree. He kept his back to Harper.  
  
"We gotta be gone by then, I can already hear the wild animals, they'll eat you up if you're still here after dark!" Harper's eyes darted about, wary of any danger.  
  
"I told you, boy, I'll be along, just not yet."  
  
"What's the matter?" Harper pressed, and then a thought occurred to him. "You didn't...you didn't have and *accident* did you?"  
  
"NO! Of course not!" Tyr shouted. He then lowered his voice to a level that was barely audible. "I was merely a little anxious and in my haste to shed my clothing, I appear to have..."  
  
"Have what? Come on Tyr, spit it out."  
  
"Well, I seem to have ripped my pants."  
  
"That's nothin', just use what's left to cover up and let's get out of here!" Harper stood and waited for Tyr to follow.  
  
"It's not that simple, boy. When I was...finished, I noticed I was surrounded by poison oak. Having nothing else, I used the shreds of my pants to" Tyr swallowed hard, "cleanse myself."  
  
"Oh." Was all Harper could manage; he was trying hard to stifle his snickers and not succeeding very well.  
  
"Cease your childish behavior, return to the Maru, and bring me some clothes!" Tyr demanded although to Harper, he didn't seem nearly as threatening as five minutes earlier. Harper turned to leave. He paused as Tyr whispered, "Listen."  
  
Harper strained his ears but heard nothing. He was about to start out again when, over the constant hum of insects, came the sound of distant drums punctuated by sporadic yells and barks of the same animals he's heard earlier. His eyes continually adjusting to the growing gloom, Harper glanced around for signs that the natives might be headed their way. He was rewarded when he looked up into the tree and saw several stick figures hanging in its branches. "Uh, ok, new plan. I think you may have, uh, desecrated their sacred tree or somethin'."  
  
"What?" Tyr said as something hit his face. He grabbed it angrily. "What's this? A handkerchief?"  
  
"No, Einstein, it's my shirt. Use it to cover up and let's get the hell out of here!" Harper said dancing from foot to foot as the drumming drew steadily closer.  
  
"Uh, Harper, this is not going to cover me, this scrap of cloth wouldn't even begin to be of use."  
  
"Really?" Harper said attempting to peer around the tree to see for himself and got a pinecone thrown at him for his efforts.  
  
Harper rolled his eyes. Who would have thought Tyr was modest considering all the time he spent strutting around half-naked. Obviously though, Tyr was having a really hard time with this particular humiliation. Harper decided to take it easy on him, for now. "Ok, here's the deal, you all need to get back to the Andromeda as soon as possible and have your stomachs pumped, there are natives coming to roast us over an open flame or something, so you need to get your naked Nietzschean ass up and follow me. Don't worry, if I see something I've never seen before, I'll throw a rock at it."  
  
Tyr sneered at Harper and growled menacingly. "If you *ever* breathe a word of this to another living soul, I will personally make sure you *never* procreate."  
  
Harper nodded slightly and headed off toward the Maru at a hurried jog, he heard the larger man following a good distance behind. The sound of the drums grew as an eerie light formed on the horizon. Harper picked up the pace and reached the Maru at a full run. He headed straight for the cockpit and began pre-flight procedures. He heard the airlock close moments later and Tyr's footsteps as he locked himself in the Maru's medical closet. As the Maru lifted off the ground, Harper saw figures dressed in furs and loincloths shaking their fists at the Maru and tossing spears.  
  
Harper saluted the natives smartly and pointed the ship at the stars that were starting to appear in the alien sky. Once safely away from the planet, Harper engaged autopilot and headed back to the crew quarters and grabbed some of Tyr's extra clothes. He tossed them in without peeking and went back to check on his charges.  
  
Beka and Dylan were sound asleep and Rommie had entered a self-diagnostic cycle. Tyr, fully dressed, collapsed on the only remaining bunk.  
  
"All set then. Let's go home." Harper said and made his way to the cockpit, pausing to knock on the door to the bathroom. "You ok?"  
  
"Yeah." Trance answered. Well, at least she was forming words instead of grunts so Harper was optimistic.  
  
The rest of the trip was uneventful. Rev was waiting at the hanger bay to help Harper unload the invalids. Dylan, Beka, and Tyr were taken to medical where they received the proper medical care.  
  
Rev declared that they would be back to normal by the next day. As an after thought, Harper whispered to Rev, "Ah, I think you'd better check Beka for poison oak." Rev opened his mouth but Harper held up his hand, "Don't ask, but make sure to check her thoroughly."  
  
Harper took Rommie to machine shop 17. He was tired but he wasn't about to neglect his favorite android. When he was through, he stopped in to med bay to check up on his 'poopin' pals' as he had affectionately come to refer to them. They were all sleepin' like babies, he half expected to see Dylan sucking his thumb. He almost envied them their peaceful sleep. He sighed, he still had work to do on the Maru, and then he had to relieve Rev who had been on duty for two days straight.  
  
**********************  
  
Harper had just finished in the Maru, was getting ready to go find Rev when the door to the bathroom burst open, and out bounced a very chipper Trance. "Harper! What's up?" She asked innocently.  
  
Harper stared at her, mouth agape. He shuffled past her, mumbling something to the effect of ask Dylan.  
  
Undaunted, Trance hopped in front of him. "Harper, are you ok? You don't look so good."  
  
"I'm fine, just a little tired. I think you should go check on the others. They should be well enough to be released by now. If you need me, I'll be on the bridge." Trance watched him go, shrugged cheerfully, and skipped off toward med bay.  
  
.  
  
Trance had just announced everyone well and fit for duty when the med bay doors swished open. Rev entered half-carrying, half-dragging an obviously ill Harper to a nearby bed. "Oh, Harper, I knew you didn't look well."  
  
"Correct as usual, your purpleness." Harper sighed. He received sympathetic looks from Beka and Dylan as they left Trance to her work. Tyr merely sneered and shot Harper a warning glance before following the others through the door.  
  
Trance finished her scans. "So, darlin' what's the verdict?"  
  
"You have Jangardian fever. It's a virus transmitted by the insects of Jangar III." She injected him with an anti-pyretic, "You'll have a fever and be all achy but it should only last for a couple of days."  
  
"Great." Harper said mournfully.  
  
"Just rest, you deserve it from what Beka and Rommie told me." Trance patted Harper's hand affectionately.  
  
"Yeah, I guess. You know, I never even got one 'thank you' for my trouble?" Harper pouted.  
  
"You didn't?" Trance gasped. "That's rude! I think I'm going to have to speak with our shipmates."  
  
"Don't worry your pretty purple head, I've got it covered." Harper said with a wink.  
  
.  
  
Dylan entered his quarters to change before his shift. The first thing he noticed was a package on the bed. The note on it said, 'Here's something that might come in handy. Never know, next time you might.not.make it.' Frowning, he tore open the package to reveal a box of Depends adult diapers. Dylan rolled his eyes and chuckled in spite of himself.  
  
  
  
Beka found a similar package waiting for her on the Maru, the note read 'Hey boss, saw ya walkin' a little funny, heard this stuff works wonders for itchy nether regions' upon opening it she found a bottle of pink Calamine lotion. "One of these days, Harper." Beka shook her head and sighed but she couldn't help but smile as she added the bottle to the Maru's first aid kit.  
  
  
  
Tyr's present was waiting for him on his weight-lifting bench. The note read 'I didn't *TELL* another living soul, I swear!' Inside Tyr found a picture of himself taken from the Maru's internal sensors. The background was unmistakably the medical closet and the subject of the picture was one very naked Nietzschean. There he stood in all his glory the words 'Lutefisk Rules' scrawled across the 'pertinent' parts.  
  
"HARPER!" Tyr bellowed.  
  
  
  
As the walls of med bay reverberated with the angered yell of the tactical officer, Harper smiled and snuggled deep in his favorite blanket on med bay. At last, things were as they should be.  
  
  
  
The End 


End file.
